Winter Break!!!

My life is CRAZYYY.
I hate how i have not had a chance to keep up with my blog this semester.
I am a full time student and am working 2 jobs!
For my english class, I have had to keep a blog up with current events, kinda.
So, I honestly have not had the time to write =[ which I need to do because it writing helps me relieve stress!!!!

Anyways....

Kaylee will be 2 years old tomorrow! I cannot believe it! It has been over a year now that we have known her diagnosis. I am so have we have been able to do early intervention with her. She has grown and is doing so well! Her therapists have decided to not brace her left hand, the good one, because they are afraid of when she falls that she will not be able to catch herself. They said she will always have a problem with her right side, but it could be worse. Kaylee still wears her brace and probably will have to throughout her teenage life and even as an adult because the brace makes her stable and helps strengthen her right foot and ankle.

OH! BIG NEWS!

Kaylee has been on seizure medication for about 2 months now. It has made a HUGE difference. She is finally sleeping through the night, no more nocturnal seizures! Also, no more absence seizures! We are very pleased how well she is doing on the meds and she takes the liquid medicine very easier. She does not fight me, which I thought she would. LOL

I will try to write more, since my break is coming up. Today is my last day of this semester and then I am free for sometime!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!
XOXO

"Your just a child taking care of a child"

Quite frankly I think this quote is very inaccurate.

Physically I do not look like a child, I look young, like a young adult or teenager, but not a child.

Also, a child is selfish, a child is in their own world and wants whatever they want. Truly, kids don't really care what others think as long as they get something out of it. Not all kids are like this but the majority of them are. Now, if I was a child that had a child, I would have done things differently. I would force my family to take care of her, I would never have gotten her what I have, and i would be doing stuff for myself. I know I wouldn't be taking care of her. Now, thats a child taking care of a child. A child cannot take care of a child 24/7. It takes someone mature enough to do so.

Now, the statement, "your just a child taking care of a child" was said by my mother.
Lets back track a little bit okay?
When my mother found out she pregnant, first of all, she wasn't sure who the father was.
My father left her because she was pregnant and didn't know from who.
So as I am born into this world, a few years down the road, it turns out my mother is an alcoholic and a drug addict.  An abusive alcoholic and drug addict. She would forget me at school because her priorities were more important than me. She would forget me in stores. She once forgot to close the car door and as we turned the corner the door swung open. Thank God I knew how to buckle myself in.  She was in and out of rehab for most of my life, i stopped talking to her when my brother got taking away from her due to drugs in the house. I hated my mother. All she cared about was herself and no one else, she didn't care if someone got hurt and she couldn't get sober for her kids.

Now to me, that is the definition of a "child raising a child"

Now, she is 4 years sober. My brother doesn't remember my mom before, thankfully.

She lost all custody of me and my brother.

I am on good terms now with her, well for the most part.

She also knows that if she goes back into drugs and alcohol she will never see her grandchild again.
I am not kidding. I saw the worst of the worst. My child will not go through that.

So now, I do think I am a young mom raising a child, but I do not believe I am a child raising a child.

July Update!

Happy July! 

I can't believe its already the middle of summer! This year seems to be going by so fast! 
Kaylee is growing so much! She is also 18 months old now! In such a short time she will be 2! 
Anyways, sorry again Ive been so delayed! I really haven't felt motivated to write lately. Ive been so busy with life too.  My last blog is from March, which I had just had my back surgery. Well, 2 weeks after I had my surgery I got a really bad infection in my incision which landed me with another surgery to open up the scar and clean out all of the bad stuff and check my spine to make sure its still healthy. So I got to be in the hospital for a week! Kaylee wasn't allowed on to come to my room because of the infection. So, update on myself would be that Im up and walking and doing fine, plus looking forward to 6 weeks of physical therapy and did I mention I will be getting hip surgery too? My body is pretty broken. 

Kaylee Update- She is doing great! She is walking around and gets fitted for her leg/foot brace next week! Her neurologist is working really hard to figure out how she ended up with Cerebral Palsy considering I was monitored so closely and had a healthy pregnancy. We kinda have a mini team behind us to try to figure it out. Kaylee will be getting a hearing test in September because she still isn't talking, only babbling. She also just had a blood test done to see if she has a clotting disorder so I will keep you all up to date on that as well! 

I've been so absent.

Im so so soooo sorry! I really should blog more! I do apologize for that. March was a pretty crazy month for me. It was my birthday month and I was in the middle of changing drs and finally got spine surgery! Yay! Actually not really. If you do not need back surgery, like if it's just an option you can do, DO NOT DO IT. My back surgery was an emergency but I do not recommend back surgery. It was really painful and the recovery, which I'm still doing, is really rough. Thankfully I am able to walk. My dr did tell me that this surgery would not help my pain, but help my nerves. I need about 2-3 more surgeries in my back and a possible hip surgery this year. Yes I am definitely a mess. I'm going to end up being robo woman! 

Kaylee Update!

Kaylee is doing really well in therapy! I'm so glad she is catching on so fast despite the fact that she is not walking yet, and she is not talking yet. Just baby talk. But she is very smart. She basically knows her colors already and she knows what you tell her or what you are talking about with her. Man, I love her with all my heart. 

I'm going to try to blog once a day! We will see how that goes! Oh and I have some new makeup products I need to review and show you guys! :) I'll do that in the next few days since I have a working computer now!

It Works.

Yes, I said it.

It Works.

And yes I am part of the company.
I have not concentrated very much on the company to be honest.
I won't sell something that i don't know about.
But it does actually work.
So,  this momma right here is going to jump back in.
I think I'm actually going to try to concentrate on it this time around.
Im not working right now because of my back but maybe that is actually a blessing. My goal is to get into the company full throttle and kick ass so I can make some good money and be able to have a life for my daughter. Yea its a far stretch but I know if I truly try I can do it. It is easy to sell and once i start actually using the products consistently for myself I will be able to show the results I have. Mind you I am no where near having a decent body. I want to get slimmer and feel healthier and that is what Im going to do.  I want to do. I need to do for my health and for my daughter. I know my back is not due to me being chubby but it still will help if I lose some weight.
Anyways they do have some AWESOME products. If you think its a joke then thats on you because it really isn't. I thought it was at first and have decided it definitely isn't. I just hope I can sell it as well as I can cosmetics.
Anyways , when I start actually using the products I will blog about it and keep all y'all up to date  (:

Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month

Oh yes, today is the first day of March which means it is Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month! So in honor of my daughter, who is my everything, I got a tattoo that says Fighter with a green ribbon. MY daughter is definitely a little fighter which is good! It keeps her motivated and determined to do what she is capable of doing. Anyways, she's been sick with a cold for the last week. She's on medicine and stuff too. But I am a little worried about her regression. I know its normal to regress when sick, but she can't even stand on her right leg. The leg will not stretch out properly. Thankfully we have therapy monday so it will be one of my top questions to ask her therapist! If you have any helpful input feel free to comment! It would be greatly appreciated!

On the bright side from being sick and having everyone in the household sick, I finally have a new working computer! Yes I said it a computer that works! My last computer completely just died on me.  So I have been out of a laptop for about a month and its hard for me to type a blog entry from my phone. But now I will be blogging more! if you have google + feel free to add my to your circle!

Does anyone recommend any blogs to follow?
I love reading blogs, just like all of you, so let me know!

I will be writing an entry named Kaylee's Story very soon, I just haven't figured out how to write it yet. So be on the look out for it! :)

Blah blah blah makeup.

If you don't already know... I love makeup .

Let me see, I like a whole lot of makeup lol

My favorite brands would definitely be Mary Kay, benefit, Estée Lauder, and it's a toss up between Clinique and Lancôme.

I use basically everything Mary Kay. They have really come along ways since they started. They are just like the other brands too but since they don't have to pay for overhead, rent, etc, they can charge less for their cosmetics. Being a Mary Kay consultant, you get them a heck of a lot cheaper. 

Now, I do love Benefit as well. I don't use all of their products but I know pretty much all of them. Their POREfessional is pretty amazing for covering pores. And I do like their blush and bronzers but lately I have been using my Lancôme one. Benefits concealer is freaking amazing as well.

Now I do love Estée lauders lipstick and they have good foundation as well. Now Estée Lauder owns Clinique and Mac. So I like their lipsticks as well. Clinique DDML moisturizer is very good. I put that one on first then my Mary Kay one because the DDML get deeper into the skin, and I have dry skin so I need both. 

I have worked with these lines so they all have their pros and cons. If you ever have questions don't feel shy to message me. Trust me, I'm your girl.

Now, my fiancé and I plan on getting married next June 2015. I will be doing my own makeup and possibly hair because I don't trust people with my face. Hair yes. Face no. I'm very picky. Did I mention I'm a makeup artist? I do love it but it definitely has it's downfalls since I don't look like the  "ideal" makeup artist or whatever you want to call it. Yet I can do makeup just as well as the "ideal " ones. 

Chaos and Kaylees 1st steps!!!

I have been so busy the last few days! Sorry I haven't gotten to blog! Ive have spent the last few days cleaning (because Im stressed) and on the phone with doctors and what not. Because I am NOT 21 yet, I am in CCS (California Children Services), the same thing Kaylee is in. Its for children with disabilities, and no i dont have Cerebral Palsy like my daughter, I have a very bad back condition which I was supposed to be getting surgery on Friday. But of course that had to be rescheduled due to being switched into the CCS group. That has screwed everything up. But I wont go on a rant about it right now, that will have to wait.

Music is my outlet

I like what I like.  Plain and simple.

I like country and rap. haahaha white boy rap though, like Mac Miller, Eminem, tmills, etc.

I do like Ariana Grande because her voice is incredible. 

Music just lets my mind not be stressed for a little bit which is so nice.

I am just a ball of stress. 

All the time.

I will work on it. I will try, I want too.

Do you consider yourself a good person?

I feel like Im the worst person in the world.
I truly wish I was a better person.
I wish I had a closer relationship with God.
There are so many things that I cannot change that I wished never happened.
I hope one day things become better.
I feel as if God has punished me my whole life.
Its like Im taking blame for what my mom has done.
But what is done is done and cant be changed.
I just hate how once life is going good, we get struck with something to knock us down.
Theres never just an OK time.
Tragedy strikes my life way too much, and Im not talking about death.
I dont know why I am grounded to where I live.
I feel like I cant handle the change.
But I hate my life where its at right now.
I want to get out and move, but i dont feel like I can.

Cerebral Palsy AWARENESS

Right now there is NO cure for Cerebral Palsy. I believe it is so important to show awareness and atleast educate people on what it is. You CANNOT catch it. You CANNOT get it from someone. Just putting it out there.

Kaylees 1st Birthday and other things

I really should throw my phone on the charger but I dont feel like getting up. Once my legs go numb then I will. I  have a REALLY bad back, so my legs go numb when I sit -_-
So, my fiance's side of the family is celebrating Kaylees 1st Birthday tomorrow. We are a month and 10 days late. Her birthday was December 20th but with all the chaos of the holidays we decided to wait till later to set up her party. But its really pathetic because my fiance would not commit to a day to celebrate it so his mom finally picked a pretty random weekend to do it. Which is fine by me because he cancelled her first party weekend we picked. Anyways, her theme is Tinkerbell. She LOVES Tinkerbell! Soon, we need to start baking the cupcakes, since tomorrow will be too stressful since all the family will be here. Hopefully theres no fight that will break out since a few of the family members are not getting along.  -___- But its her day so I hope people realize that.

 Insomnia is going to be the death of me. The fact that I can never sleep and that I consistently have nerve pain down my right leg is really starting to eat away at me. I feel like I'm losing my mind and myself. I dont feel like the original Alison. Who I am. Hopefully surgery will help it and not make it worse. Plus I am not allowed to work, which sucks because I like what I do. I dont really like where I work, but I like making people feel better about themselves? So have you figured out what I am? Nope? Yep? Well I am a makeup artist/consultant/ whatever you want to call it. And i really do love it. I am not one of those stuck up makeup artists either. Since I am "plus size" and so young it honestly makes things harder at work. I will write a different blog about it later.

Thinking.

This is whats trailing through my brain...

I really should turn the light on, its quite dark in here.

I wonder if kaylee will sleep through the night?

My hair is pretty freaking dark.

I need a haircut.

I wish the red underneath was redder.

I wonder how many people are coming to Kaylee's birthday party tomorrow?

I hate being treated like a kid.


Yep, basically everything thats on my mind.
Im not real sure what to write about tonight.
I mean I could write about anything.
Im pretty much an open book.

Once you get to know me you will understand the way I am.
But dont judge me now, you dont even know me or my story.
The one thing i dont get is how "Famous" or "Popular" some of these people get.
Like youtubers are just normal people, and viners are just random people.
And even some of the mommas on my social media have like 10k+ followers.

I just dont get it.

They are all normal people.
For example, some of the moms dont even post anything, or they post normal stuff like the rest of us.
The only conclusion I have come up with is.......

They must be prettier, or more attractive, or have peircings, or have tattooes, or somehow a rebellion.
I dont know. I do know Im just your typical teen mom with a child that has Cerebral Palsy.
 But I would rather have no followers and not deal with drama than have a ton and be hated or always having some type a drama going on. Theres too much drama in real life to deal with, why add more stress
from the interenet?

Sorry this post is kinda all over the place, I just kept thinking of stuff. Oh well, i promised myself to post whatever I write and not delete it.

Therapy!!!

Today was one of the days Kaylee has therapy and she did wonderful!
She has started to crawl on all fours instead of army crawl!
Im so proud of my little butterfly <3
I do have a blog on tumblr called Raising My Butterfly so look me up!

I made homemade salsa today! Im not a good cook and Ive never really cooked, but since im not working right now I figured I might as well get in the kitchen and make some stuff so everyday I try to make something new. And today was a success! Even my mom said it was restaurant worthy!

So, Medi Cal decided I was CCS eligible. Which means all of my medical changes. I have back surgery scheduled for Febuary 7th and now its all on hold!!! Im very aggravated with it. So CCS is California Children Services, and its for children with disabilities. I am almost 20, in a month and a 1/2 and ive been placed in it. Kaylee is in CCS!!!! Its kinda awkward for me to think we are in the same thing -_- Thanks to obama, apperently im still kid till im 21.  Unbelievable. I was livid when my back doctor called me to tell me this. Ohh well, atleast it could help me with future stuff. Since im probably gonna have to learn how to walk again after all these surgeries. yayyyyy. not. Thank God Kaylee does not need any surgeries as of right now. That would just break my heart.

Cerebral Palsy with Hemiplegia

What is it? What exactly happens? Will she get better? Will she get worse?
She will be fine.
She will out grow it.
Its nothing to worry about.
OH stop, its not bad.

Ive heard it all. All of these. The questions and the statements.
Kaylee has Cerebral Palsy with Hemiplegia.
Cerebral Palsy is when a child has lack of oxygen either in the womb, during labor, or sometime up to the age of 1 or 2. I cant quite remember the time frame, since Kaylees happened at birth.
Anyways, I had a HORRIBLE delivery. We are NOT sure what caused it, other than we know it happened during delivery. She can improve. Not necessary get fully recovered, there is no cure, but she can improve. She will not get worse. But it will be with her for the rest of her life.  She has more of the mild side of Cerebral Palsy so she will be able to walk, we just don't know when. Hemiplegia is when it affect one side of the body, for example, Kaylee's right side doesn't not work as well as her left.

Now, for these ignorant statements I have gotten. This are just a few Ive been told that have irritated me the most. She will improve but never be "fine", it will always be with her. There is NO WAY to outgrow it. It affects her brain. How do you not worry about your child??? She is my child, and i will worry however much I want. All you have to worry about its going clubbing and getting drunk. You think I'm stupid for worry but you can worry about bullshit? Right. Ok... and maybe its not that bad but it didn't happen to you and it isn't affecting your life in anyways so don't tell me its not that bad until you know what you what your talking about.

Most people do not know what Cerebral Palsy is.
It is not contagious.
Do your research before judging people because you dont know what they are going through.

Kaylee.

My baby, my world.

She is my everything.

I don't know where I'd be without her.

I can't imagine my life without her.

God, I love her so much. Even when life throws me way to much, I always knows I can look forward to seeing her smiling face. She keeps me going through thick and thin. I can't believe how fast and how big she is getting. Ahh I wish she could stay little forever <3

This is MY blog.

This is where I will post what I want and how I feel and if people dont like it then they dont have to read it.
I hate when people try to dictate my life, my feelings, everything.
Anyways, on another note, I wouldn't mind just dropping my life here and moving somewhere else with my child. That would honestly be ideal right now.i wish I could just start new.